John Bowlby (1907-1990) was a British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst. He is famous for his theory of attachment in which he demonstrates that physical contact is one of the basic needs of babies.
His theories have been taken up, clarified and completed over time. Attachment theory is more broadly a field of psychology. According to her, a child must develop one or more attachment relationships, with adults who take care of him, in order to be able to develop so-called “normal” social and emotional capacities. Thus, from birth, the baby already builds privileged relationships to which he can turn in case of distress.
Bowlby focused on the figure of the mother as the main and almost the only attachment figure, because in his day mothers were overwhelmingly those who cared for the baby. However, in our contemporary societies, anyone can occupy this role (the father for example). The time devoted to the child in its first months determines the identity of this figure. A baby can combine several attachment figures. He ranks them: mother, father, nanny, educators, … everyone does not occupy the same place.
Bowlby explained that the bonding process took place in four phases between birth and age four. The first 9 months are crucial, because it is during this period that the baby “chooses” his attachment figures (depending on the time devoted to him). These individuals will be his “bases”, that is to say the people who will reassure him on a daily basis and who will gradually allow him to gain autonomy and confidence thereafter. However, the baby had already started bonding with his mother while he was in her womb.
These stages of attachment are crucial, because they are at the origin of the emotional security of the child. This will build their self-esteem and make it easier to regulate their emotion and stress. His affective environment during the first months and years will therefore give him qualities that will serve him throughout his life. For example, the separation for the first days at the crèche will probably be a little less difficult if the child has been well cared for in the first months.
It is important to learn to identify the behaviors of the child that seek to attract our attention to strengthen the bond of attachment. These signals can be variable: crying, clinging, smiling, sucking fingers… The more attentive we are, the more the child will strengthen his emotional security. Responding systematically and quickly to the needs of the toddler will not make him a spoiled child, but on the contrary, an autonomous child who is comfortable in his shoes!
However, it is important to remember that we are human and that we make mistakes, in a society that goes by the mile an hour and that sometimes does not leave us enough time to do everything we would like to do. .
So don't panic if you can't always meet your child's needs right away or if you can't spend as much time with him as you want. The most important thing is to make time to spend quality time with them, to do it regularly and to listen to them. Quality takes precedence over quantity.