As you have probably experienced , sharing is not an obvious practice among young children. This is true for the loan of toys, but also for cooperative play. Indeed, between 2 and 3 years old, they generally prefer to play alongside rather than together .
It is important to remember that the child should not systematically share. To make object lending an unavoidable principle is unfortunately to transmit to our child the idea that he can seize objects from all his comrades and his brothers and sisters, when he wishes , since the latter must also systematically lend their belongings. The risk of following this rule is to fuel conflict rather than mitigate it.
In addition, when playing , the child is extremely focused, trying to solve a problem. To play with someone would therefore be to lose this natural impetus for learning . We must then avoid interrupting our child. We can also choose to ask him " Do you want to play alone or with your brother/friend?" and quite simply respect his choice. We can also teach him to say no to others, with respect of course.
When, on the contrary, our little one looks enviously at his brother's or sister's toy and the latter does not want to play with others. The first feels frustration when the second stays focused. In general, giving the child a choice can, from time to time, succeed in easing tensions. We can then offer him the following alternatives: “ For the moment your sister is playing with it and prefers to play alone. I know it's hard to wait. You can either wait your turn and watch her without bothering her or play with something else while you wait, which do you prefer? ". When one of the two children is too young to express themselves , we can do it for them: “ You see that your little brother is currently playing with it, do you prefer to play with another toy or do you prefer to wait? ".
Moreover, imposing sharing also means taking the risk that the child will feel it as a constraint. However, sharing should ideally be done in joy.
So how do we make our child want to share? How to make the gesture come from him?
When our child refuses to lend a toy for no reason, we advise you not to immediately enter into discussion with him. At that moment, he feels very strong emotions and is unable to step back and listen to us calmly. Later, you can approach the subject lightly, without the child interpreting it as an unpleasant moral lesson.
Let's try to understand him and ask him the reason for his refusal to lend his toy. Is he afraid that the object is broken? That it is not returned? As an adult, we can then reassure him. We can also emphasize the joy of lending a toy to one's brother and sister .
Moreover, if one day, one of your little ones lends a game to his brother or sister , take the opportunity to congratulate him and encourage him " Oh, how generous you are, look how happy you made your sister !" ".
Sources:
- A Montessori Approach to (not) Sharing — Montessori in Real Life
- My child does not share! How to guide him towards more generosity? (coolparentsmakehappykids.com)