Regarding emotions, life is not a long calm river, you will experience moments of storm!
Neuroscience, in particular thanks to brain imaging, has enabled us to discover how the brain works, but also how it develops.
We discovered that the emotional part of the child's brain is particularly immature until the age of 6 . Indeed, the prefrontal cortex is embryonic . This same cortex is an emotional filter and since this filter is not developed in young children who experience real emotional storms, we can say that caprice does not exist.
The child experiences immense frustrations, extreme fears, rages and deep sorrows . To participate in the maturation of the limbic system, which will temper the emotions of the child, this one needs a well-watchful adult who will come to act as the external prefrontal cortex. Also, the role of the parent is to be empathetic, supportive, affectionate and encouraging. Finally, the adult must be exemplary.
Here are some tips to help you welcome your child's emotions:
Rule #1:
It is not a question of giving in to the child if a rule is broken or if one of your decisions thwarts his desire. The child needs a framework , as long as it does not hinder his development. The rules must be clear, fair and consistent.
Rule #2:
If your child is in a crisis, first let him express his feelings . This should not be upset. On the other hand, if the child is screaming or becoming violent, you can explain to him in words:
First of all, it is necessary to rephrase what he feels. Saying to a child, " I see that you are angry, because you still wanted to play outside ", helps the child to put words on his emotion and thus to classify them. Avoid negations that may be misunderstood. For example, instead of saying " Don't get on the table " prefer " The feet stay on the ground ", or instead of " Don't run ", prefer " Walking ".
Rule #3:
Do not hesitate to offer the child a hug to help him calm down . However, be careful not to force it, because we also want the child to master the concept of consent.
Rule #4:
Next, it is important to talk with and listen to the child . Do not hesitate to ask him questions. This allows you to reformulate, it encourages the child to express himself, but also to verbalize.
Rule #5:
Finally, we help the child to put things into perspective : " You know, it's not so bad if we went home, because now we're going to play together and we'll come out tomorrow ".
Rule #6:
There are also a few tools, such as books that talk about emotions, to help the child detect emotions . You can also use a wheel of emotions with drawings that illustrate them. Thus, the child will be able to tell you what he feels easily.
It should be noted that without a prefrontal cortex, the child has difficulty controlling and retaining himself. The Montessori method with the principles of the presentations helps the child to work on his inhibitory control.